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Aberforth's Avatar posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 12:20pm

I liked this piece very much. I thought you did a wonderful job with Clarissa'a POV. The ratio of assertion to assumption to fact rang very true-to-life, reminding me of overheard snippets from my daughters conversations when they were small.

Also well done was the way you sketched out just enough of the circumstances of the story to allow us to imagine the details of the larger whole.

David Thacker posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 10:35am

Thank you for this story and the time and effort that you have put in to it.Please ignore any and all flames.Enjoy your self when you write and have fun in your life when you can.

Antosha posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 10:09am

Mmmmmm...

I realize that this was intended to be part of something larger, but it stands alone as a lovely oneshot that manages to be both sad and hopeful. Nice work!

Olafr posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 9:45am

Interesting story. It's often difficult to conceive of how another person sees the world, particularly someone who's special in some way - smart, or has some unusual sense, or something. I like that kind of story because it serves as a useful reminder that everyone sees themselves as normal. I like your use of first person in this story - it's a very natural fit.

Most excellently done, good sir. (The handling reminded me of Emergence, by R. Palmer, a wonderful book that regrettably is over a decade out of print. That, by the way, is a compliment, not an accusation! ...and it's a great pity that Palmer only ever published two books.)

- Olafr.

The Resident posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 9:32am

Thank you for sharing these snippets of inspiration. I found them quite interesting. I often have a piece of a story pop in my mind and then I squish it like a bug because I know I'll never be able to do any real exposition of it. I edit. All I've ever written that was any good were a short story and a poem. The story under a different pseudonym and the poem under my real name.

Prince Charon posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 7:47am

OK, that was a cute and beautiful PoV piece.

David posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 7:27am

A kid's sense of time is based on what they do/remember, anyway, instead of how many times a machine goes ping. Well done writing a child's perspective, and if I were a Ministry Justice of the Peace (or equivalent), I too would be somewhat scared of being the guy who pronounces Harry Potter to be married to ANYONE.

burnunit4 posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 6:45am

Having Tonks not remember what she orignally looks like is orignal. It's usally that she falls back to her orignal form at sleep time. I love seeing orignal ideas. kudos to you.

Kokopelli replied:

Actually, that's taken from the old legend of Proteus, who could assume any shape, but always became an old hunchbacked man as he slept.

FenrisWolf posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 6:42am

Nice ficlet, certainly an interesting start for a Harry/Tonks story.

My one critique is with the idea that metamorph abilities preclude childbearing. If that were the case, the power would be selected out of the gene pool rather quickly. Aside from that, though, I liked it, as well as I can like any story that's not H/Hr.

Kokopelli replied:

Yeah, well, you try keeping a child in utero when you're changing shape and body chemistry.  Per canon, Metamorphs are very very rare, so I'm thinking that they're a sport of some sort.

goddessa39 posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 6:27am

Like it alot. Do they know about her'seeing colors' yet though? CONTINUE.

Crys posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 6:12am

Hmm. Really, REALLY good story. Liked the kid's POV. You pulled it off beautifully.

Hagrid posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 6:08am

I know som'att about magical creatures If I do say so meself, and see, the thing with creatures is they all got different timelines. I'm sure yer know the one about dog years, right? Well in dragon years, we do about one and a half, give or take. Me point is KIDS years is a bit off as well, isn't it? So it makes perfect sense ter me if Classia thinks in a week or two she will have a brother or sister. I mean, 20 minutes is forever to a kneasle after all. Great little story here.

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 5:59am

I like the Vault stories. Just enough to explore a somewhat minor idea without turning into an epic.

You've done an excellent job here of implying and suggesting the world that goes around them without spending a lot of time on it. It gives the feel of a glimpse into a complete world.

Thanks for sharing.

Kokopelli replied:

That's the challenge of the short story form - implying a universe rather than narrating it.

Crys posted a comment on Saturday 18th March 2006 5:30am

“So, I suppose McGonagall is out too?”
*choke* I so did NOT need that image, K.

Interesting little ficlet from the vault.

Kokopelli replied:

Blame Jeconais and Kinsfire - they were the inspiration for this one.