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Dale Dietzman posted a comment on Saturday 29th November 2014 4:32pm

Hi. I am one of those who seldom reviews unless I really, really like a story, or unless I can help fix a problem. In this case, it is the first. The second does enter in, but I don't expect you to make changes. Because I really like your work, and especially THIS story, i will point our one mistake which is so important to the plot that it would be too much work to correct. You place the Earldom of Marr in Scotland, but you have the locals call Lord Greengrass "the Baron" and Daphne is the prospective "Baroness". Yet this is Scotland, (sassenach and all that). and Scotland has no Barons (that is an English title). Scotland has Thanes. When they are tossing "Thane of this" and "Thane of that" around in MacBeth, those are Baronies with much land and many vassles. But this is too embedded a plot point with too many references to change, even for accuracy. And frankly, I don't even know what the feminine form of Thane is. Loved the story. Winced at every Baron/Baroness.

Kokopelli replied:

Well, Wikipedia says that Scotland does have baronies and barons, but it's not like it is/was south of the border.  Actually, the whole Baron gig is an homage to Prattchett's Tiffany Aching stories, set in the Chalk, which are more or less the Discworld version of the Scottish Highlands.  I'm American, through and through, so I write at my peril when I set things in foreign (to me) locations.

Glad you liked the story.

HP-DG-SB posted a comment on Thursday 27th November 2014 5:19pm

This was a fantastic story. I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It was a refreshing take on the HP/Daphne pairing. I had seen something of a similar nature involving Scotland and highlander clan themes in a story with an HP/Morag MacDougal story written by Itsme66 on fanfiction.net. There's a lot of themes mentioned that I don't understand well, but I find them very fascinating so I always enjoy the stories that use them when I run across them.

Your version of Daphne was new and refreshing and I think you nailed Harry pretty well too. A lot of people like to make him out to know everything about relationships and whatnot without anykind of explanations as to how that happened, so you going the way you did was fantastic and original. Most of the other important characters were fleshed out well too, so your story for the main characters was well supported by the rest of the characters in it. Again, a lot of people sorta skip the secondary characters when fleshing out the stories, so it was another point in favour for your story.

I read a few of Jeconais' stories and he mentions you as a beta reader often so I finally decided to check and see if I could find anything interesting in your posted stories. I'm very glad I did. I will most likely keep looking at some of you other stories now to see what else I can find in there. Great job with this story.

HP-DG-SB

Kokopelli replied:

I've been working with Jeconais for years, he wrote some of the dialog in this story, and I've written scenes in his.  

Harry really is clueless about a lot of things, which is one of the things I was exploring in this story.

Mathew McCrillis posted a comment on Tuesday 25th November 2014 3:14am

Thank you for sharing this tale with all of us!

Cheers~!

Kokopelli replied:

thanks for your kind words

Patches posted a comment on Monday 24th November 2014 2:55pm

I have really enjoyed this story. The ups and downs of their courtship (best word I could think of) was really realistic. The confrontation with Astoria in the barn was unexpected. I'm glad your worked it out the way you did. I really enjoyed the way Harry neutralized "Lucky". Making him use a "nickname" like that was really good punnishment for the arogant jerk. The way that Harry and Daphne made her an earth witch was excellent. The proof in the old rose bushes was really an excellent touch. I enjoy all of your stories and especially all the unique details that are different in each story. Thanks again for writing. I look forward to whatever you decide to write next. Sincerely, Patches

Kokopelli replied:

Yes, it was a courtship story.  

In my early days of fanfic writing, I published pretty much as I wrote the story.  Now I try to more or less finish the story and then publish.  I'm deliberately trying to write shorter stuff, so sometimes I don't explore a lot of things.

The earth witch gig (with the dirt on the sheets) was in the works from the very beginning of the story.

steveh11 posted a comment on Monday 24th November 2014 2:52pm

Absolutely superb story. Many thanks for writing it.

I find I now have two favourite stories on here: this and "White Knight, Grey Queen" by Jeconais. There are obvious parallels between the two, so it seems I have a 'type'. ;-)

Please don't stop writing. I enjoy reading too much!

Steve.

Kokopelli replied:

I'll be hanged if I can figure out the parallels with White Knight-Grey Queen and this story, other than Jeconais and I both had something to do with the stories.

Patches posted a comment on Monday 24th November 2014 3:14am

This is a great chapter. I'm so glad Daphne was calling for Harry's help in the barn. She would have been devastated if she had killed her sister. Of course Harry found a way to save her sister and not force his decision on Daphne. Very Harry. I like the prank they pulled on everyone. That went well. I'm glad Harry is trying to help Neville's parents. That is exactly what Harry would do. I'm so glad Daphne talked with Hermione talked and came to the understanding that they both loved Harry but Daphne was the one that would make him the best wife. I look forward to the conclusion to this story. Thanks for writing. p

Kokopelli replied:

As I've written elsewhere - the Hermione conversations - Harry/Hermione, Daphne/Hermione, are the keys to this story.

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Sunday 23rd November 2014 6:14pm

Great handling of Lucius. I wish we could see Draco dealt with at least as satisfactorily.

Very well created and developed tale.

Thanks for writing!

Kokopelli replied:

Draco is of no use to Harry, therefore he'll be ignored.

Thanks for reading!

reseh posted a comment on Sunday 23rd November 2014 12:10pm

I enjoyed this story. I thought it moved at a very good pace. I liked the interactions between Daphne and Hermione. I really enjoyed this last chapter with the insights to the Greengrass grimorie. I think it would be interesting to see what could manifest between the Greengrass powers and Neville's herbology prowess. All in all, a really great story to read. Thanks for sharing!

Kokopelli replied:

I suspect that Neville may get the "Friends and Family" rate.

delphinous posted a comment on Sunday 23rd November 2014 4:11am

i really like the heart to heart daphne and hermione had. that was one of the most beautiful and moving, and realistic, showing i have ever seen of someone (actually both) willing to give upon their happiness for someone they love.

Kokopelli replied:

The Hermione/Daphne conversations are the keys to this story.

LittleTom45 posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 11:26pm

Thank you. It was a wonderful story and I truely enjoyed it.

Kokopelli replied:

You're quite welcome.

BJH posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 10:31pm

Sorry, no questions here but I did greatly enjoy the story.

Actually, I do have one question: does Hermione become Headmistress? Somehow, I can't imagine Neville not wanting kids so I suppose that might have been an issue.

BJH

Kokopelli replied:

Not yet, but she's on track.

Noble Korhedron posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 6:55pm

Great story, pity it's over.... :-(

Kokopelli replied:

Yeah, well, family, job, hobby - hmmm, which will take priority?

sanbeegoldiewhitey posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 3:20pm

No, happy is not good. Happy is GREAT! Happy makes me read the story again and again. I wish I can give you a review whenever I read this story. I turned to this story after I was disappointed by your friend, Jeconais' concluding chapter of Blue Steel. That story was very well-written but it did not make me happy. I am not a critic, just a reader who seeks enjoyment from writers like you. In fairness to Jeconais, I derived so much happiness from his Harry/Daphne, Harry /Gabrielle and even one Harry/Cho stories. I try to avoid writers who favor realism because their stories make me sad. If I want realism, I will watch the news where there is always sadness. So thank you for this wonderful story that is almost like a relaxant pill to me. I enjoyed the part where Harry effectively "neutered" Lucius. But my favorite part was Daphne feeling Harry's magic in the garden. She was so happy to feel the proof that Harry really loves her. And lastly, poor Astoria. Extraordinarily beautiful and unmarried yet. Is she still in a competitive mood and wants a husband that can compare favorably with her brother-in-law? Thank you very much again.

Kokopelli replied:

I'm glad that I could bring you some pleasure with my storytelling.

Yes, the moment in the garden is really magical, in all senses of the word.

 

Part of the reason why Harry never told her that he loved her was that he thought that she thought that he should say that.

zonianx posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 10:47am

This was a nice story. I did want to let you know that I liked the story and that I appreciated the time and effort that you put into this.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks for reading and providing feedback.

genkitty posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 9:20am

I really enjoyed this story. Thank you for writing and posting it.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks for reading, and reviewing.

Alun Lewis posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 4:14am

So...Harry did find out about Daphne and Hermione's conversation, eh? His reaction was happily restrained but fitting...even if Hermione is right about his desire to having more than one child, making that kind of decision based on believing herself the best judge is an established track record and takes the choice out of Harry's hands.

Still, all in all, I'm thrilled about how things turned out and everyone who deserved a happy ending got one, even someone with a mixed karma balance sheet like Ron. Amazing work!

Kokopelli replied:

Harry's point isn't about what Hermione thought, it was about what Daphne did, which is go behind his back (which wasn't too bad) and then attempt to make the decision without Harry's input (which was bad).

Thanks for reading.

Wolfric posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 4:00am

Congratulations on finishing your fine story. It has been wonderful to hear from you again. If you get the impulse to write another story, please indulge it. I quite like to read them. Thanks for writing. W.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks for reading.

Alun Lewis posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 3:27am

Well now...I am more than glad that Harry was able to find a way to get to Daphne & Astoria's location at the barn and stop Daphne from killing Astoria. Because even if Daphne had managed to just wound her sister...I figured there would have been a LOT of angst between the three teens over the matter.

Daphne's conversation with Hermione was...interesting...I have to say. Lots of people think Hermione should be Mrs. Potter by the logic of being his closest female friend and 1/3 (or 1/2, really) of the partnership that stopped so many plots - that she knows Harry backwards and forwards - but here? Your take on Hermione is that the core relationship is the same but she doesn't see herself being a mother, or being the mother to only one child if the man she falls for is OK with a single child only; canon has Hermione as mother to two kids who are not twins, but this story isn't using canon. Though part of me wonders at what kind of reaction Harry could have to finding out that Hermione loved him so much that she gave up on any possiblity of being with him as his wife because she placed heavy stock in what Harry saw in the MIrror of Erised at age eleven....

Amazing work, Kokopelli :D

Kokopelli replied:

An earlier version of the barn scene had Daphne shaving Astoria bald before slitting her throat (or attempting to) but that was too much.

This story is canon compliant, but not epilogue compliant if that makes any difference.

Hermione was babbling in that scene, if she sat down and wrote it, I think she'd say something like "Harry could make me happy, but I don't think that I could make him happy."

Yes, Harry saw his heart's desire when he was eleven, but in his case, I don't think that it's changed all that much.  He wants a home (which he's never had) and wants a family.  One of the sad things about the later books is that Hogwarts is no longer home to Harry - what little feeling of home he had was eroded by betrayal and misfortune.

Glad you liked the story, thanks for reading.

elmoryakhan posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 3:21am

Malfoy as a porn star?! Boy I sure laughed hard over that line.

overall it was a reall fluffy story and I loved it. Thanks for writing this!

Kokopelli replied:

Actually, as I see Malfoy, that's not too much of a stretch to believe.  Malfoy doesn't want power, he wants glory, which he thinks that other people (his father, Riddle) will bestow upon him.

diagonalpumpkin posted a comment on Saturday 22nd November 2014 1:35am

An absolutely wonderful ending to a brilliant story. Thank you so much. I wasn't really expecting another chapter this weekend, since you posted earlier this week, but I'm very glad that you did. I have greatly enjoyed your story, from beginning to end, and I'm glad that you broke away from many of the cliches that follow Daphne. Thank you again for the story, it was truly a joy to read, and I hope you enjoyed writing it.

Kokopelli replied:

I don't like plowing ground that others have already plowed.  As I said in the beginning, fanon is usually not very clever, and not very satisfying.  Sock-stealing Ginny was cute and clever the first time, but not the 20th or the 100th time.

My first HP story that saw the light (i.e., was publically archived) was a sweet coming of age story H-G, in which Harry and Ginny never kiss.  I wanted to break fanon conventions then, and I still like doing that.