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Gary the Grouch posted a comment on Sunday 3rd January 2016 2:26am

Still having fun reading this! The only thing I think is a little implausible is that their growing relationship is a little too perfect for a couple of teenage war survivors. Thanks for sharing.

Kokopelli replied:

I didn't want to write a 200k word story, so I put in the time limit - so yes, the relationship is a bit quick, but not unbelievable.

Gary the Grouch posted a comment on Sunday 3rd January 2016 2:02am

This story is creative and different from most - any - I've read. I don't normally read post-Riddle stories, but I'm enjoying this one.

Kokopelli replied:

Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it - have you ready any of my others?

Gary the Grouch posted a comment on Sunday 3rd January 2016 12:46am

Great start to a story, well-written and rich in detail.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks - it's been years since I've written, so it was good to get back into the saddle.

sfjoellen posted a comment on Tuesday 11th August 2015 2:01pm

great story, thank you. I especially like the characters, they were lively and funny and sweet.

Kokopelli replied:

I liked the characters too - they kind of grew.

Stick97 posted a comment on Monday 27th July 2015 3:24am

I'm guessing Molly was so hopped up on Calming Draught that she didn't lose it at the fact Harry was marrying someone so close to Ginny's death? Great story, and I would love to see more of the story.

Kokopelli replied:

I'm sure that Molly was more worried about Ron in Hong Kong, but yes, Molly was probably having issues with this wedding.

Exivus posted a comment on Tuesday 7th July 2015 6:33am

Poker prodigy Ron is definitely a new one.

Kokopelli replied:

Ron's not my favorite character to write, so shoving him off to Hong Kong was my answer.

 

Nytefyre posted a comment on Friday 24th April 2015 12:57am

Nice innovative takes on the characters. Nicely paced and the unfolding of the relationship was quite enjoyable.

Thanks for writing and sharing.

SteveC60xcjkas7rwlsg23 posted a comment on Sunday 5th April 2015 5:46pm

I did very much enjoy your work and thank you so much for making it available for free to the likes of people like myself.

It was certainly unique in its depiction of the various characters all of which, were quite enjoyable to 'get to know.'

On another note: I have mentioned in a review for one of your other stories (Blue Steel I believe) about my desire to get a hobby started dealing with smithing.

I had followed the trail of youtube videos that the Blue Steel demonstration of the mobility of armored fighters and enjoyed watching the different means by which true craftsmen took iron sand to the finished Katana selling for the mid 5 figures in Japan. Keeping in mind that someone couldn't just stroll in with a bottomless checkbook and walk out with a piece of almost spiritual heritage. I seem to remember the owner of the gallery had mentioned prices from the 10 or 20 thousand upwards and beyond $50,000.

Just illustrated that fact that money isn't everything expecially without the respect for the soul put into creating such a piece.

Anyway, do you have any reference to smithing that I could look up?

Feel free to contact me through my fanficauthors.net account.

Best regards!

SteveC.

Kokopelli replied:

Sorry for the late reply.

The Backyard Blacksmith by Sims is a good start - you really, really, really need to master the basics of smithing before you specialize in blades of any sort.

aalens posted a comment on Tuesday 27th January 2015 10:10pm

Thanks so much for writing this. I thoroughly enjoyed it from first to last.

Kokopelli replied:

You're welcome.

 

aalens posted a comment on Tuesday 27th January 2015 3:34am

Thanks for writing this. I am greatly enjoying it as it is different and well written. BTW if you will please forgive an in the fly Brit pick; we take milk in our tea, milk or lemon, but not cream, never cream. The term 'cream tea' refers to a small meal ( i.e. a 'tea') where served with the tea ( or coffee) are scones (I think Americans call them biscuits) which are served with jam (conserve) and cream. The cream is for the scones, not the tea. Tea with cream in it sounds not only odd, but also distinctly unappetising. We do drink coffee with cream sometimes though.

Kokopelli replied:

Like Popeye, I am what I am, which in this case means a speaker of American English.  Many years ago when I was much more serious about things, I anglicized my spellings and did a total comb-through to eliminate awkward nits  like this.

My mom took milk (whole) in her tea.  I could never stand it growing up.  I would either take mine straight or with a little sugar.  There was a particularly cloying blend called "constant comment" which she would often serve, which I could only stand if I took it with milk and sugar.

Tea  is enjoying a bit of a resurgance here in the states, but usually instead of milk, you'll be offered half-and-half (a milk and table cream blend) if you're offered anything at all.

Thanks for reading, thanks for your kind comments.  I hope you enjoy the story.

ILikeToRead posted a comment on Wednesday 7th January 2015 8:15pm

This is a really enjoyable story. I liked how you build the characters over time and showed so much emotion with Harry. Thanks for sharing your work!

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks for reading.

Ishtar posted a comment on Sunday 4th January 2015 1:52pm

Excellent! I enjoyed this thoroughly.

Kokopelli replied:

I'm glad you enjoyed it.  It was surprising how the writing bug came back - I wondered if I could pull this one off.  

Ishtar posted a comment on Sunday 4th January 2015 12:36am

Possibly this has already been pointed out to you, but as of the end of DH, Teddy is only a month or so old - he was born in April 1998 and the Battle of Hogwarts was May 2, 1998. (I have no idea what Tonks was doing at a battle when she was only just out of childbed - she would have been in no shape to fight.) He's a babe in arms at the time of this chapter, not a toddler, and is nowhere near able to walk, talk, play peek-a-boo, and probably doesn't have anything resembling conscious control of his metamorph ability. I don't expect you to edit at this point, but please remember the dates for any future stories

Kokopelli replied:

You are, of course, correct as to Teddy's age.  That being said, a non-toddler isn't very interesting for this story, so I moved his age up.  When I was a cannonista, I wouldn't have played with "facts" like this, but now I don't particularly care, I'm writing a story and I'll move things around to suit my story arc.

GinnyLover posted a comment on Wednesday 24th December 2014 8:45pm

A man wearing a suit and tie comes out on the stage!

"Welcome back to the WWF!!!"

"Now......Let's Get Ready to RRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBBBBLLLLEEEEEEEE!"

Suddenly he hold his hand up to his ear containing an earpiece,"What? Wrong WWF??!?!?" Ooops"

He looks over at you," Sorry about that, welcome back to the Wonderful World of Fanfiction!"

Kokopelli replied:

Is this sponsored by Mutal of Omaha?

Rexnos posted a comment on Thursday 18th December 2014 4:16am

Overall I really enjoyed this story. It really hit a niggling need for a fluffy sort of romance I've really been desiring for about a month now. This story hit the target perfectly, mixing a nice blend of interesting circumstances with interesting characters.

It's honestly a little strange though. I mention interesting characters, but I'll also note that you almost didn't touch Harry. He had essentially the same past and hang-ups from canon; you simply chose to use them. It really makes me wonder how great the series could have been if it had been developed for an older audience rather than shanghaied into it in the last two books.

Along the same line however, Daphne and her family, Andi, and honestly Hermione to a degree were all your characters, with very little of canon to be found. I liked them all a great deal and found them to be realistic and relatable. Oddly enough, I also found the Red Caps interesting enough that they deserve their own story. They made me wonder exactly what a "Goblin Rebellion" would entail.

On the constructive criticism side of things, your writing style feels very spartan. There's not much in the way of imagery or dramatic tension, or at the very least not in this story. Each event was related in a very flat manner, all matter-of-fact. It was very unusual to me, though not necessarily in an offensive way. It felt oddly unbiased, as if you wished the events and characters to speak for themselves rather than as if you were attempting to guide the readers to any sort of conclusion. That said, I do think you could add several doses of imagery. I never really felt I could see what was happening; I only heard about it.

As to the dramatic tension matter, I absolutely loved the two conflicts with Astoria in the middle of the story. The rest of the story was relaxing and almost placid, but those moments really shone in my mind. They were a sudden fire in the midst of winter. I think adding a few more of those, or at least a dose of inter-character conflict would really do a lot to spice things up. Granted, this is coming from a guy, which means I'm likely at least nominally biased towards action-oriented stories, but it is what it is. Feel free to ignore me!

Finally, I think the additions you made to the magical world were really something else. They were rather understated and side-stories, but I couldn't help but take notice. Whether it was the Earth Magic, Tom Riddle's history (which beat the snot out of Rowlings), or simply the way in which the Greengrasses interacted with their Barony (Earldom, Holdings, Fiefdom? Hell if I know), it's really the little things that count. It reminded me keenly of the original series, detailed world design which can't help but blossom if introduced to light.

In any case, fantastic work. I heartily enjoyed it.

Later,

Rex

Kokopelli replied:

Rex,

 

Thanks for a most thoughtful review.  I stopped writing fanfic years ago as I thought it was taking me away from spending time with my family (I had three children at home at the time).  I dipped my toe in the water with this story to see if I still enjoyed writing, and to see if I could still do it.

I'm fairly good at two person dialogue, but I'm poor with action sequences.  JBern can write a 20k word chapter that's all fight scene and pull it off.  Me, not so much.

So, the spartan writng style is somewhat intentional.  To provide the depth that you mention would mean that I'd have to spend way more time on this story than I did, as this was written on my lunch hour and on my commute home from the office.

One of the kicks I get from writing fanfic is to explore the minor characters, especially if they have a richly developed fanon.  Daphne, poor girl, got stuck with the Ice Queen moniker by Jeconais and thus she's been ever since.  So I wrote the anti-Ice Queen  for this story.

I'm similarly intrigued by the terrible fanon for Susan Bones, who's a buxom red haired siren, when NONE of that is in canon.  The Susan Bones from the movies was a red haired somewhat chubby girl.  That I wouldn't mind playing with.

JKR's world is a fun place to play, too bad she got tired of it in the middle of the series. The whole thing with Astoria kind of came out of nowhere, but it worked, so I went with it.  It wasn't in the original story arc!

I'm glad you enjoyed the story - thanks for responding.

jay21317 posted a comment on Tuesday 9th December 2014 11:41am

I had a blast reading this, I do wonder about the mundane magic ritual Harry was going to do for the wedding, and how that would have worked out.

Kokopelli replied:

He used the BCP vows (wedding service) as magical, rather than mundane vows.

takon65 posted a comment on Monday 8th December 2014 11:36am

Baron Greengrass,

For my family, "The Great War" was the American Civil War also known as "The War of Yankee Agression." That was my great-grandfather's war. My grandfather served with you in what he hoped would be, "The War that would end all Wars". That wasn't meant to be, so my father served in the Pacific Theatre during World War II.

Was the First World War a combination Magical/Muggle conflict as the Second one was? If so, did you serve in the Muggle or Magical Armed Forces. Would you please tell us a story of your service?

Thank you.

Kokopelli replied:

Malcolm, here.

To the best of my knowledge there were no Greengrass family members in the American War between the States, but there were Greengrasses in Canada at the time, so I might be wrong on that assumption.

All wars are stupid, the Great War being more stupid than most.  I was the second son, not obviously in line to succeed my father, the Baron, but it was clear to all that I had a great affinity to Earth magic, while my older brother did not.  My brother, full of piss and vinegar took a commission in His Majesties’ army at the beginning of the war.  As was the custom, men of noble birth were given great consideration (read that rubber stamped) for Officer Commissions, especially if they had any military experience.  My brother had played at the militia, and thus considered that serving King and Country necessitated embracing the war.  Shortly after my father got over the shock of my brother accepting a commission, I persuaded my father that I should enlist as well.  My affinity for Earth magic was quite pronounced, so I knew that I would not be a soldier.  Instead I worked for most of the war as a stretcher bearer and ambulance driver.  There were no medics as we know them now, but the stretcher bearers were given a modicum of training and learned all they could from the nurses and doctors.  When I think of the transfusions I assisted with in the most primitive of conditions, I’m now slightly horrified.

The Magical involvement in the Great War was different from the war that followed.  Many of the smaller Muggle governments were actually puppets of the magical kingdoms, but on the whole it was the Muggle treaties that triggered each country throwing themselves into the abyss of war.

My brother was blinded in a gas attack, went back to England where he was healed by proper magical medical care, and returned to battle, where he was lost when his position was overrun by one of the few successful German advances during the trench wars in 1916.

It’s amazing, really what Episkey will do for many, many wounds.   It is even more amazing what Reparo will do in keeping an ambulance running. I became quite popular with many of the units at the front.  The officers of those units sometimes went to great lengths to insure that my unit was supporting theirs, including a bidding war with my superiors which kept my commander well provisioned in whiskey and tinned beef. 

I made many friends during the war, lost many friends during the war, and resolved to do what I could to keep my family from participating in any more wars.

enbrel posted a comment on Sunday 7th December 2014 3:19pm

It was a very good story, thank you.

It reminded me of another good story with Daphne Greengrass, "Beltane Child" from White Angel of Auralon on fanfiction ( https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9415372/1/Beltane-Child ), where Harry and Daphne are brought together by "accident" (though the circumstance are very different).

Thanks again

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks for your kind words.

heathw posted a comment on Saturday 6th December 2014 2:59am

Truly, this deserves much comment, but it is very late and I am very tired. Let me at least say, this story is truly magnificent.

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks for your kind words.

tcl7189 posted a comment on Tuesday 2nd December 2014 6:40am

Great ride...loved it from the start!!

Kokopelli replied:

Thanks, I came to remember what I liked about writing doing this story.