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Noble Korhedron posted a comment on Friday 31st October 2014 12:26pm for Chapter the Third

Great chapter. More ASAP please?! :-D

Kokopelli replied:

Every week on Friday.

Crys posted a comment on Friday 31st October 2014 12:23pm for Chapter the Third

Oh, forgot a couple things:

good pacing on Harry/Daphne. Slow but believable. Andi's poking her nose in, but not enough to really be obnoxious about it.

Daphne and the "midget". I can see Daphne's PoV much easier, but that's probably because I'm the eldest in my family as well. I never had an "older brother/sister" to look up to, so I can't decide whether Grace's comment about Astoria being worried for her is correct or just naive, wishful thinking on the mother's part.

And a Happy Hallowe'en to you as well.

Kokopelli replied:

Andi and Grace are both trying to walk the fine line of encouraging without smothering.

How are they doing?

The Astoria/Daphne conflict will get larger - just wait.

 

 

Crys posted a comment on Friday 31st October 2014 12:17pm for Chapter the Third

GardenGirl is an organic beta? I'd hope so. I hate to think what kind of job an artificial beta would do.

Mr. Rufus is an interesting conundrum. Good to see you're keeping the mystery alive.

. . . a Red Cap. Okay, aside from the eye-rolling bad joke considering his appearance, Hermione immediately thinks he's a goblin. So I hit the Lexicon. Okay, the hat makes more sense, but now I'm more than a little concerned about his presence. Hmm. Wonder how that's going to work out.

So, figured out a way to bring Hermione in, but not present. Couple conversations she has with the hero and heroine. Good author's way to present info for both, to both.

Neatly taken care of Ginny and Ron, too, I noticed.

> "Tradition is inherited wisdom, not random, arbitrary laws." I like that quote.

"Granuaile". I was just going to write it off as grain/granule from a long-term farmer's family. Now you you're making me look it up.

Interesting story thus far. Looking forward to more.

Kokopelli replied:

Rufus is a hit-man.  If you want someone to do a protective detail, who better to assign?

Yes, the hat is a visual pun.

Granuaile is the name of an Irish female pirate captain - she sailed the seas during the reign of Queen Elizabeth.

Now writing Chapter 6.

The Seeker posted a comment on Friday 31st October 2014 11:46am for Chapter the Third

It's probably worth saying one more time: your writing isn't rusty or labored at all. As with the previous chapters, this one flowed well, had remarkable exchanges between very interesting characters, and the plot moved as a bit more toward the final denouement. All in all, this is fine writing, and I'm greatly appreciative of the time, effort and talent you've put into entertaining us.

Mr. Rufus is an incredible original character. I've not come across anyone in HP fan fiction that comes close to him. You've really got him down since his way of speaking, personality and actions have remained consistent since you introduced him. He is a novel and intriguing addition to the story. Malcolm was a revelation, because he was much more 'human' and self-effacing than I expected. Several times, he said he wasn't doing a good job in explaining an issue, for instance, and he was much more down-to-earth and open, despite being from one of the oldest familes in Britain. His desire to work with Harry to remove society from the morass of the current pureblood domination was very welcome. Grace continues to be charming and an actual mother, which is always surprising in a pureblood household. The relationship between Daphne and the 'midget' is funny and fairly typical when two siblings are both intelligent and competitive. I do believe Astoria would aggressively go after Harry, if he and Queenie don't work out.

I like how you've put Hermione in a counselor position to both Harry and Daphne and used the mirrors to do this. Harry desperatedly need her advice, since he's clueless, and Daphne will benefit greatly from Hermione's insights, since how Harry reacts is oftentimes opposite of what would be expected, which would spell disaster for the relationship.

Finally, the development of the Daphne/Harry relationship is going at the right pace, though it is a slow one. Given Harry's lack of social skills, anything faster wouldn't be right, though, I have the feeling something may happen that will move the relationship into a faster lane. The only niggling concern I have is that Harry will be influenced by the fact that Daphne will lose her magic if they don't wed by the Solstice, outside or beyond whatever he feels towards her. Incredible visual with Daphne creating a platform for Harry to faciliate their short snog. How tall do you envision Daphne, and Harry, too, for that matter?

Thanks for the Halloween treat - can't imagine a better one! - The Seeker

Kokopelli replied:

By training Mr. Rufus (and no, I don't know any name for him other than this) is a hit man.

With Malcolm, I'm trying to reveal a character who's incredibly old, but still vital.  He takes the long-long view of things.

Grace is the wicked step mother, so of course since this is one of my tales, she's sweet, dedicated and loving - to both daughters.

 

You're going to see more of Grace, and Astoria, in the next two chapters.

 

Harry's not particularly worried about Daphne's losing her magic, he's just trying to make the right decision.

 

The tricks are coming...

Chris1 posted a comment on Friday 31st October 2014 9:59am for Chapter the Third

I'm loving Harry and Hermione's relationship in this. I love it when they're so obviously best friends :D

Kokopelli replied:

I'm not a shipper - really!  Hermione truly and fiercely loves Harry - but she doesn't want to swap bodily fluids with him.  Theres a scene in the next chapter when you'll get to see how Harry feels about Hermione.