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Riegert8 posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 2:54pm for Chapter the Fifth

I am not surprise that Astoria got a harsh punishment

BJH posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 2:49pm for Chapter the Fifth

Wow, nice chapter! At first I really liked how the Daphne and Astoria dynamic was working, breaking out into a normal sort of dysfunction that is typical of real families. But now you have Daphne believing that Astoria was truly trying to kill Harry, which leads us to two possibilities. One, Astoria was trying to seriously injure either Daphne or Harry in which she is seriously psychotic and deserves to marry Malfoy; or two, she wasn't and will have to do some major apologizing when Harry stops her. How will he stop her you ask? I don't recall you saying they took the "sharing magic" suits off so regardless of his being in shadow land he can influence her magic.

I also liked the portrayal of Tom as "twisted as a corkscrew" but seriously knowledgable on obscure magic.

BJH

migele posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 1:04pm for Chapter the Fifth

Good touch on the drama. It was all going a bit to perfectly. The shadow world reminds me more of the d&d equivalent. And I'm very impressed with your cliffhanger. Aside of that nice touch on the progression again. Sort of sweet beside the drama. That said I really enjoy your clueless Harry. Which is what he should be considering his social upbringing. Laters Migi

scribbler posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 11:31am for Chapter the Fifth

HOLY S***. Talk about a cliff-hanger. Either Daphne kills her and ends up almost losing Harry because she's done so, or someone intervenes at the very last minute. Either way, it's going to be rough.

WOW.

Kokopelli replied:

As I've said in other answers, Daphne seriously believes that Astori just tried to kill Harry.

Jason9 posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 11:14am for Chapter the Fifth

Whoa whoa whoa - no need to take shots at Jim Butcher! Let's leave poor Molly out of this!

Kokopelli replied:

Molly?  The first Harry Dresden novel was printed in 2000, and this story takes place a bit earlier than that.

I'm a Dresden fan, and the scene was indeed inspired by Molly and the cold beer bottle.

amulder posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 11:00am for Chapter the Fifth

John, John, I *do* hate cliffhangers...

Otherwise, that was simply loverly, and I'm quite enjoying.

Kokopelli replied:

Well, I can't break all of the conventions of fan fiction, can I?

 

Thanks

strandale posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 10:47am for Chapter the Fifth

i am going to assume that Daphne is just trying to scare the living lumos out of Astoria as a HUGE warning and that she's actually moving to cut her from where she got tangled in. Evil wench.

question for harry - how is he really taking the pace at which this relationship is going, especially before and after the events of torigate?

Kokopelli replied:

Daphne believes that Astoria just tried to kill Harry.

Harry rather much feels like he's being carried by an avalanche, but for the most part he's okay with that.

HermioneGreen posted a comment on Friday 14th November 2014 10:26am for Chapter the Fifth

I can only hope that the murmured "help me" from Daphne activates some pull from the betrothal bond and we see Harry, appear from the shadows and restrain Daphne before she harms her sister - because that would make Daphne sad, and Harry is supposed to make her happy ...

I loved this chapter and the way the relationship between Harry and Daphne is developing. I didn't so much like the way the chapter ended in the middle of a scene. Could you perhaps update sooner than next week?

Kokopelli replied:

Oh, come on, the tradition of the evil cliff hanger is a long standing tradition in fan fiction.

As to what happens in the next chapter, that will wait until the next chapter is released.  Six is done, seven is almost done.